muddy shoes

life is vulnerable. i hate myself because i cannot control that.
i want to be in control of everything in my life.
i want to control my thoughts. i want to control my feelings. i want to control myself.
I want things to go my way!
maybe i really am a spoilt brat.

i didn't know fortunate i was until i saw the patients lying in the wards today.
it is not only about being healthy and able to hop around and whack people. it is the high quality of life that i am enjoying. (Maybe it is too much economics on standard of living for this whole week) But i know if i were ever to be hospitalised, i know my parents would give me the best ward on earth, shower me with 100% care and concern plus stay by my side 24/7. Not that other parents wouldn't or wouldn't want to, i just feel that maybe i should start being contented with my life instead of complaining and cursing about how disgusting everyone else and everything else is.

it is silly. i have silly thoughts which are usually so substantiated with evidences yet becomes denied after awhile because my thoughts get more silly each day, causing my hypothesis to end up incorrect. Hence, certified silly thoughts. haha.
But i know i wasn't dreaming. I am sure. 100 percent.

it was sweet coincidence today.
i like it when things seem like it's so meant to be and it's as though all was planned to happen.
it was just WOW.