Wednesday, January 31, 2007

the kind of independence I have

The kind of independence I have is really very different from my brother. Or rather, my brother violated that trust, and so nobody trusts him anymore. My mother always says:
"lie once = lie forever"
My father went to check my brother's account balance and got a nasty shock, apparently. I was thinking if my father were to get hold of my bank book and do the same, would he get an even nastier shock? haha! If you were to plot a graph with my account balance and time, it would be an erratic curve which is generally downward sloping, for now.

Anyway, I was trying to put myself in my brother's shoe, think for him from his point of view. Unknowingly I just started to get fiercer as I talked, very much out of concern. It sounded more like a nag actually, as though it was some kind of maternal instinct. Well, this sounds so weird to be coming from me, but every female has that. Even the butches. (I have been reading so many articles about homosexuality that I am starting to think for them.) He was just standing, never mind the slouch and bad attitude, trying to be numb about everything. Probably it is because we never ever got down to listen to him, but it isn't easy being in his shoes.
They are too small for me. Not comfortable.
There is no space

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